What Good Does Talking About It Do?

When we talk, we have to access the word-based “thinking” part of our brain. That in itself helps down regulate (reduce) our distressing feelings. Shame is one of those painful feelings.  So it follows that to talk about our experiences of shame reduces its power. And when we do it consistently, our overall self esteem will be raised.

Counter-intuitive, right? People who don’t know this principal naturally want to try to hide their shame experiences, often afraid that if they feel shame, that another person will also see them as defective.

Au contraire. A way to defuse shame is to  simply express it, instead of further hiding or disguising it.

In “The Courage to Heal,” authors Laura Davis and Ellen Bass write that “one of the most powerful ways to overcome shame. . .   is to talk” about it.  “Shame exists in an environment of secrecy. When you begin to freely speak the truth about your life, your sense of shame will diminish.”

You just have to be mindful of which people are shaming people, and which aren’t. Then chose the safe ones to share the things you feel inferior about.